Saturday, November 22, 2014

A Season of Waiting

After three weeks of prayer, conversations with trusted friends and deep thought I have decided to take time away from dating.

For a long time I have found my value, worth and identity in relationships. I let my loneliness and worry of never finding anyone control me. If I was in a relationship, I would convince myself that he was "the One" despite any warnings from friends, feelings of unease and knowing in my heart he wasn't a man I could spend the rest of my life with. If I was single, I would constantly search for someone to ease the loneliness.

I was never happy on my own and saw myself as worthless if I wasn't "wanted" by the opposite sex.

Because of that I found myself in a few different relationships ranging from unhealthy to worse. In one relationship I was talking about marriage with a guy after a month of dating, I gave my heart away quickly and was offended and broken hearted when things didn't work out due to immaturity on both parts. In another I dealt with a guy who was constantly putting me down and trying to change me. In the worst , I knew everything was wrong from the beginning but I was so scared of being alone and so desperate for attention that I stayed in despite losing trust and respect from my friends and family.

Because of this, I was broken hearted, bitter, and felt like I had no value.

It wasn't until a conversation with a friend discussing how the Father pursues us, that I realized that everything I was looking for in a man could be found in the Lord.

My value comes from Him.
My worth comes from Him.

He pursues ME.

Where does that leave me? Healing and trying to pursue the Lord with a healthy reflection of how I used to pursue guys.

So during this time, I will be focusing on Him, giving my attention to areas that deserve it like school, friendships and spending time with Abba.

But for now, I am enjoying life as a single woman, pursing the Lord as best I can.

This is my healing season.


16 comments:

  1. You have given me loads to think about with this post. I consider myself in love, but that love is not always right for me, you know. Some times I feel so broken, so lost, and I know I shouldn't feel that way while being with someone. Life is tough or at least we make it this way.

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    1. If you ever need/want to talk, I'd love to! I'd definitely just suggest spending time with the Father and asking Him what to do. He is the best when it comes to advice ;)

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  2. May God bless you in this season of life and may you abide in him alone - whether in a relationship or not. You are beautiful and your heart is gold!

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  3. Great post and I am in a somewhat similar situation right now. I'm 23 and have yet to meet someone that in my eyes is worthy of getting into a relationship with. However with the typical slew of post-graduate engagements and weddings I have been becoming increasingly lonely. I recently made the decision to really work on my relationship with God and remind myself to trust more fully in Him and the plan that he has for me and my life.

    Ashley
    www.messymilestones.com

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    1. Ashley, I'd love for us to be able to chat and encourage one another :)

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  4. This is such a huge and real issue among so many women. I still struggle with the balance between my identity being found in God and my husband. Letting God be the one whom we find our worth and beauty is vital. Hard to do and timely but vital. Thank you for being so real. I respect that.

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  5. Hey beautiful lady, you do what is best for your mind, body and soul. God will guide you through the day and when the right one comes by, he comes by. No man is worth loosing yourself over. You were created to be strong and lovely just as you are, with or without a man at your side. <3

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  6. This is such a great, encouraging post! Thank you for sharing!

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  7. That can be a hard decision to made. It's one to be admired. Thank you for being so honest. Praying for you darlin'!

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  8. Victoria,

    I feel like this was me 2 years ago, I am so happy that you have made the decision to let Jesus fill that role of a husband until he has put a man in your life he deems the one. I have done all the things you have stated, I gave away my heart too quickly and then felt brokenhearted and bitter afterwords. It wasnt until I put the Lord first in all aspects of my life including my love life that the bitterness melted away. Jesus brought my husband into my life in HIS timing.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, just someone to listen to you rant I am here :)

    thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you so much Lacey!

      I will definitely take you up on that offer!

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